The Muddely Drawer

Wedding Day

2006-04-30T16:52:00.000-04:00

What a day. If I had it all to do over again, I would.

The Court got married!

2006-04-10T18:25:00.000-04:00

Sorry to hijack the blog, your honor, but the news had to be posted! We're awaiting the court's permission to post "Exhibit 1" (which I'll have to get from someone who brought a camera...).

"Student"-Athletes

2006-03-26T02:39:00.000-05:00

It’s 10:15 and I’m tired. That means two things: 1) I’m getting old and 2) another NCAA tournament game is about to begin. Now that I’m out of a college athletic department, I find those “There are over _____ thousand NCAA student athletes, and just about all of us will be going pro in something other than sports” slightly more sincere. Until I realize that they are complete BS, that is.

The NCAA would love for us to believe that these are “student”-athletes, but, to the NCAA, they are anything but. They would love for us to believe that everything the NCAA does is in the interest of the student-athletes, but everything isn’t. After all, if the NCAA really cared about their student-athletes, they would tell CBS to stick it when they schedule a game that will end at midnight; they would seed teams like the Washington Huskies somewhere LESS THAN 1,000 miles from campus. I’ve see what SEC student-athletes go though, and it is tough. From practice, to weights, to class, to homework, these kids work hard. Why make them work any harder?

Money. No doubt March Madness is the single greatest basketball event year-in and year-out. Certainly most of the participants play for the purest possible purpose: the love of the game (forgetting, for the moment, that the NBA has given the monetarily motivated teens little choice but to play college ball).* Clearly, this event would be impossible without the student-athletes, but let’s be honest. The NCAA is motivated by the dollars in the television contracts, not the intellectual pursuits of the kids who make the whole thing possible. The only lesson the NCAA seems to care about is Monetary Economics.

Of course, I am what the psychologists call an enabler. By sitting in front of my television at 10:15 every night, I am allowing – in fact condoning – the NCAA’s hypocrisy. I guess I’m willing to accept that the NCAA cares more about their coffers than their kids, I just wish they’d quit pretending they didn’t.

*The other possible exception being Big Baby's quest for immortality.

The Oprah Channel

2006-03-19T23:52:00.000-05:00

She single handedly incorporated the word “girlfriend” into the vernacular of white women across America. She created the relationship know-it-all Dr. Phil. She graces the cover of her own magazine on a regular basis. Now she is getting her own XM station. I’m starting to see why David Letterman dislikes this woman.

Well I Thought It Was Pretty Funny

2006-03-19T01:38:00.000-05:00

Girl: “My straw is broken; it has a hole in it.”

Me: “Hey, mine has two holes in it, but you don’t hear me complaining."

Girl: (vacant and clueless expression)

A Very Merry Unbirthday

2006-03-18T03:43:00.000-05:00

I received one of the best unbirthday presents of all time yesterday. My grandma sent me an Ohio State Football autographed by the man, the myth, the sweater-vest: Jim Tressel.

Thanks, Grandma, and Go Bucks!

Be a Leader

2006-03-18T03:33:00.000-05:00

I received a message in the top of my deodorant the other day. “Be a Leader,” it implored. “Yeah, OK," I thought, "Carpe Diem!” I guess I’m the kind of guy who can be inspired by his deodorant.

Sadly, as I soon realized, it is an impossible task. The moment you follow the deodorant’s instructions, you are no longer leading. You are following - not only that, but YOU ARE FOLLOWING FRIGGIN’ DEGREE ANTIPERSPIRANT… this does NOT please the Court (see previous post).

If I was a Judge

2006-03-18T03:26:00.000-05:00

If I was a judge I would always be refering to myself as “the Court"...
At the dinner table: “The Court requests that you pass the peas”...
At night: “The Court is adjourned"...
All in all, I’d be a pretty obnoxious judge.

I Own You

2006-02-18T15:43:00.000-05:00

...if you play fantasy sports, that is. 3 trophies in 3 years, baby. More to come after March Madness!

and speaking of trophies, this is about the only acceptable time for two guys to kiss:

Kong

2006-02-15T02:34:00.000-05:00

Peter Jackson is incapable of telling a story in 3 hours or less.

Big Day

2006-02-15T02:30:00.000-05:00

Got a job offer.

Negotiated a promotion.

Received my diploma.

Days this big don’t require complete sentences.

The Hunt for Small-Government Conservatives

2006-02-13T13:02:00.000-05:00

I’ve been critical of President Bush at times, but for the most part I’ve been a staunch supporter. He is great on defense and taxes, but decisions such as the steel tariffs of 2002 and the nomination of Harriet Myers in 2005 bothered me. Luckily these wrongs were later corrected, and life goes on. One troubling initiative remains, however: his Medicare “reform”. This single act represented the largest increase in government social spending since the not-so Great Society and has prompted many political observers to label Bush a "Big Government Conservative".

I was thinking about all the money that will be taken from poor young workers like me and given to the richer, older voters and I realized something: maybe, just maybe, Bush has fooled us all - perhaps even himself. Government pyramid schemes cannot last, and decreasing American’s dependency upon them is the only solution. Bush’s plan does the opposite; it increases our dependency on this shaky social program.

The move reminded me of one of my all time favorite movies: The Hunt for Red October. In the film, Captain Marko Ramius inexplicably turns his sub into the path of an oncoming torpedo and orders full speed ahead. The ingenious move forced the weapon to hit the sub before it could arm itself; the torpedo impotently crumbled across the nose of the Soviet submarine. Has Bush seen this film? Could it be that his acceleration in social spending is only serving to hasten the program’s demise? Intentionally or not, this is exactly what Bush has done. He has turned American into the path of the torpedo, is closing the gap between us and insolvency, and is hastening Medicare’s destruction. Remember, you should never “misunderestimate” President Bush.

"Most things in here don't react too well to bullets"

Radio Silence

2006-02-13T01:14:00.000-05:00

Well, I’ve been on a blogging sabbatical for a month now. It was a nice break, but I’ve had the itch to return for some time now... of course that wasn’t enough to motivate an overachieving-underachiever like me. But then I was reading Freezer’s blog and he filled out one of those chain letter things that I am categorically against, and said he’d like to see me do the same. So, I guess its time to break radio silence. I never could keep quiet for long anyway.

Three Names You Go By:
1. Beezer
2. Bennyj
3. The Great Bennie-Han

Three Things That Scare You:
1. Hillary-Care
2. sucking at my job
3. honesty on the internet

Three of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Jesus (it’s a Sunday School answer, but true none the less)
2. 9 hours of sleep
3. Special Report with Brit Hume

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. jeans with the cufs flipped up. What? It’s making a come back, ok?
2. An Ironman Timex given to me by The Woman. She says it’s the only gift she’s ever givne me that I actually use. I say the fact that I’m habitually late proves her wrong.
3. a pair of tennis shoes I got as a graduation present two years ago

Three of Your Favorite Drinks:
1. diet cherry coke with marichino cherries

2. coffee with a shot of hazelnut
3. water (I’m as surprised as you are)

Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment:
1. This is it – Jonah33
2. Sucexxy – Metric... even though they are pacifists, their sound is catchy
3. Jazz
Comment: I’ve recently found a few old CDs that practically carried me through those tumultuous teenage years. Listening to them now, I havn’t a clue why they once appealed to me. I’m sure time will treat these selections just as harshly.

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love):
1. someone who will share my laughter, my tears, my years
2. honesty
3. ...this one goes without saying, no?

Two Truths and a Lie:
1. I once gave a lecture on free trade at the Dallas Federal Reserve
2. I’m a Hillary Duff fan
3. I’ve never told a lie

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. fly fishing
2. reading
3. working out

Three Things You want to do really badly right now:
1. sleep
2. finalize my job situation
3. get a house

Three Places You Want to go on Vacation:
1. my honeymoon, and no, I won’t tell you; it’s a secret... besides if I told you then I’d have to tell everyone.
2. Classified
3. Classified

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. make a difference
2. have children and a happy family
3. read the Bible from cover to cover

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Chick/Guy:
1. I’ve perfected the repeating-the-last-few-words-you-said-witout-actually-listening technique.
2. My food pyramid consists entirely of meat.
3. I don’t do subtext.

Three people I would like to see take this quiz:
1. The Woman
2. Dre
3. Matheo

Is it just me...

2005-12-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

...or did the lead singer for Coheed and Cambria used to play for Fraggle Rock?

100th Post

2005-12-10T15:45:00.000-05:00

This post is a milestone in my blogging career. It represents my 100th post. I guess that puts me in some pretty elite company.

How 'Bout 'Dem Dawgs!?!

2005-12-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

The fightin' bulldogs of Louisiana Tech are making noise on the national sceene. Two weeks ago our football team blew out #23 Fresno State on the road on national television.

Not to be outdone, two days ago the men's basketball team crushed Bobby Knight and the Texas Tech Red Raiders 68-53 on the road.

As Tech is an institution of higher learning, we use the Socratic cheering method. Say it with me now... HOW 'BOUT 'DEM DAWGS?!?

Pygmalion in the Blogroom

2005-12-06T15:24:00.000-05:00

I'm working on the last paper I will ever write in grad school. It is based on an ancient Greek Myth. Here is a interesting tidbit for your reading pleasure:

"Greek mythology maintains that the King of Cyprus, Pygmalion, once built a statue of the perfect woman. Eventually, through sheer will and a little help from Venus, the goddess of love, the statue, named Galetea, came to life (McNatt, 2000). King Pygmalion’s story has transcended time and he is now the namesake for Rosenthal and Jacobson’s famous 1967 study: “Pygmalion in the Classroom.” The researchers studied how teachers’ expectations influenced their students’ intellectual development (Rosenthal and Jacobson, 1967).

According to Rosenthal and Jacobson (1967), an authority figure can influence a subordinate’s self expectations. This occurs through a four-step process. First the authority figure gains or develops expectations for his or her subordinates. Then the authority figure acts upon those expectations. The subordinates then sense these expectations, either through the authority figure’s words or actions. Finally, the subordinates internalize and react to the expectations (Chase et al, 1997). This process was originally dubbed “the theory of interpersonal expectancy effects,” but today it is simply known as the “Pygmalion effect” (McNatt, 2000)."

Now THAT'S Comedy

2005-12-02T17:05:00.000-05:00

The lake Elisnore Storm was recently honored by Gameops.com as having the best promotion of 2005. Its title? Micheal Jackson Sleep Over Night. Here are some of the hilights from the assuredly amusing promotion:

1,500 fans in attendance received a free surgical masks and one white glove.

All fans arriving late and in their pajamas got into the game free and received a back massage.

The night’s festivities include bubbles, face painting, a moon-walk contest and a well lit petting zoo.

Lake Elsinore Storm President and General Manager, Dave Oster also announced a time change for the “Michael Jackson Sleepover Night” game. The new game time will be 7:35 PM, when the big hand touches the little hand.

Members of the Storm front office preformed their rendition of Michael Jackson’s thriller on top of the home dugout in-between innings.

Fans could also visit the Neverland Ranch petting zoo setup on the concourse. The Storm’s Neverland Ranch petting zoo consisted of a fenced of s children’s playpen filled with stuffed animals.

The night was highlighted with a "live" interview with Michael Jackson. Jackson tapped into the Storm’s PA via satellite and was interviewed by Storm public address announcer Joe Martinez. During the interview Martinez asked Jackson questions abut the trial, his health, and him being a fan of the Storm baseball team. The interview, which was setup using sound bites of Jackson had fans, players, umpires and coaches laughing so hard it brought some of them to tears.

Opposing team headshots were all pictures of Michael Jackson throughout his life. Ranging from his younger days when he was a part of the Jackson 5, to the most recent picture of him after his booking in 2004.

In game entertainment included a baby toss that saw two fans throwing baby dolls and attempting to catch them in strollers on the third base line.

The night was tapped off with an appearance from the Storm mascot Thunder dangling a miniature version of himself from the sky box during the seventh innings stretch.

Freakin’ Weird

2005-11-30T22:49:00.000-05:00

I came home today to find a live 5 lb. Tilapia flopping around in my kitchen sink. My roommate got it from some buddies who went electro-fishing in a local pond – apparently electro-fishing entails stunning the fish below the boat using an electrical current, allowing them to float to the surface, and then scooping the fish out of the water with a net. My roommate then proceeded to transport it in his backpack on the public bus. I can just imagine what the other passengers were thinking when his backpack started moving on its own! Long story short, we had blackened Tilapia for dinner. Like I said – freakin’ weird.

Reflections on Thanksgiving

2005-11-30T22:29:00.000-05:00

Things that made me laugh during Thanksgiving:

Doing yoga with the two patriarchs of my family.

My English mum imitating a beast amid a rousing game of Guesstures.

Watching my dad try to do the “churn the butter” celebratory dance.

FSU getting treated like the special-ed team that they are.

... yes, it was a good Thanksgiving.

The China Man

2005-11-21T10:35:00.000-05:00

I’ve got the apartment subleased, but the story is not the fact that it is subleased; it is how it was subleased.

First you must understand that I discounted the rent upfront. The newspaper had a long list of apartments for sublease, and I didn’t have a lot of time. Besides, I wanted to finish this quickly. Soon I got three calls and two visitors – all very interested. I even had one guy offer to pay all of the rent upfront; he just needed some time to get the money together.

Then The China Man showed up.

He was your typical Asian: small and smart. But it wasn’t just book smarts – when talking to The China Man one gets the impression that they are talking to Colombo, behind the modest façade is a though customer. The China Man is smarter than he lets on. “This chair come with apartment?” The China Man would ask.

“No, that’s mine.”

“Ok, it stay here.” It went on like this for about an hour.

He was also constantly complimenting me. He would always call me a “good business man” right before he would negotiate a new term. Rule number one: if someone calls you a good business man in a negotiation you are about to get ripped off.

Then he started low-balling me on the rent. I explained to him that he was in no position to negotiate. I told him that I already had someone who was willing to pay full-price. Undaunted, The China Man proceeded to compliment my business acumen and ask for a 4% discount.

Finally I counter offered a 1.5% discount if he paid the same day, but he would not budge. Long story short, he eventually accepted my proposal saying “You good businessman. You would not budge.” Sure Colombo, sure. Who got a discount on a discount? Oh yeah, it was YOU! And he’s still trying to get that chair… silly China Man.

Someone please

2005-11-20T16:24:00.000-05:00

GIVE THIS MAN A CONTRACT EXTENSION

Wake the Echoes

2005-11-19T01:09:00.000-05:00

It's Gameday.

1 More Day!

2005-11-18T10:00:00.000-05:00

Most Value-able Player

2005-11-17T11:13:00.000-05:00

Alex Rodriguez and Albert Pujols were recently awarded the MVP award for their respective leagues. Certainly both players had great years and the awards were well deserved. Some, however, have argued for Andruw “This is why you don’t let children spell their own names” Jones or David Ortiz, often citing statistics such as homeruns, runs batted in, or hits. But amid the pontifications for this player or that, the single most important statistic, salaries, has been ignored. “SHOW ME THE MONEY!” The sheer numbers mean nothing if you don’t know how much a team paid for each homerun, RBI, and hit.

According to my research, the Most Value-able Player of the 4 was Ortiz.

Granted, he is a DH who rarely fields, but he is still the best value. Consider the fact that he hit almost the same number of HRs as A-Rod and was paid 1/5 as much! Boston paid $35,473 per Ortiz RBI. The next best value was 3 times as much -- St. Louis paid $94,017 for every RBI by Pujols!

See for yourself. Remember, numbers don’t lie. That’s Patrick Fitzgerald’s job.

Name-Salary-HR-$/HR-RBI-$/RBI-Hits-$/Hit
Jones-$13 Mil-51-$254,902-128-$101,563-154-$84,416
Ortiz-$5.25 Mil-47-$111,702-148-$35,473-180-$176,342
Pujols-$11 Mil-41-$268,293-117-$94,017-195-$56,410
Rodriguez-$26 Mil-48-$541,667-130-$200,000-194-$134,021

He's Ready

2005-11-17T00:19:00.000-05:00

Are you?

It's coming.

2 more days...

A Nibble

2005-11-16T19:20:00.000-05:00

I’m trying to sublease my apartment. I didn’t know until after I signed my lease that I would be graduating early, so now I’m looking for someone to take the rent payments off my hands. Actually I’ve already paid for the whole year, and it’s kind of late to be looking for a subleaser, so I’m trying to cut my losses by offering a discount on the rent. I’ve posted ads online, in the student paper, and with my apartment’s office. I just got my first nibble: a message on my phone from someone interested in the apartment. Before I called him back I thought, “this call is worth several thousand dollars.” I had to leave a message. I hope he calls me back.

The Game

2005-11-16T00:04:00.000-05:00

The only game that matters is just 3 days away. Prepare yourself.
source: skylinepictures.com

It's Coming

2005-11-15T22:20:00.000-05:00

vs.
... in 4 days the domination continues.

ANWR an Endangered Politcal Species

2005-11-15T17:46:00.000-05:00

Maybe you missed it, but the congressional republicans are impotent right now. They couldn’t even agree on ANWR, the Alaskan oil drilling proposal that could alleviate sky-rocketing energy prices. Their weakness hurts the American consumer, economy, and security. The sad thing is the drilling was abandoned to help reduce the deficit – hey, I’ve got an idea, let’s spend less money on foreign oil, keep that money circulating in our own economy, reduce the price of oil, increase disposable income, and give Americans more jobs thereby increasing tax revenue. That might help reduce the deficit too you know. Just a thought.

If we keep this up, Milton Bradley will have to update their monopoly cards in the name of cultural relevancy.

I Hate Flying

2005-11-13T22:33:00.000-05:00

I flew home this weekend. I hate flying. But it’s not what you’re thinking; I don’t mind the heights all that much, it’s everything else that drives me crazy. Back in the day everyone got dressed up to go flying; it was a real to-do. Now it is practically public transportation. Everyone is treated like cattle by the airline industry, so they start acting like animals, checking their manners with their luggage. So here is a working list of why I hate to fly:

• having my personal space violated by a corpulent neighbor (excuse me, but I paid for this whole seat… if you don’t move your love-handle I’m going to charge it rent)

• being rudely awakened when the passenger behind me uses my seatback to hoist their big butt out of their chair (seriously, would it be too hard to use your armrests?)

• ubiquitous crying babies (that’s why they invented sedatives, people)

• b.o. (that’s why they invented soap, people)

• people who recline their seat all the way into my lap (if I wanted you in my lap, you would have been invited)

• “70% on-time” -- that is how often my flight from JAX to ATL is punctual according to the published numbers (if I was late for work 30% of the time, I would be fired… instead, the airlines get government subsidies!)

Mile High City

2005-11-10T15:57:00.000-05:00

Oh the irony is almost palpable: the mile-high city legalizes marijuana. Well, at least now I understand the city’s smog problems. The funniest thing to me is that marijuana possession is still against the law in Colorado. So one can possess pot in Denver, but not in Colorado. Try explaining that one to Cheech & Chong.

In a way, my thoughts are a microcosm of the contradicting laws. I believe the government should butt out of any individual’s choice so long as that choice does not inhibit another individual’s inalienable rights. Smoking marijuana can do that, but so does alcohol. Prohibition didn’t work too well, so, one might reason, why should we ban illegal drugs? Furthermore, the libertarian in me says our war on drugs only increases the value of narcotics, thus increasing the incentives for dealers to deal.

Then again, as most of our laws are rooted in Judeo-Christian teachings, an alcohol-drug comparison may be invalid. The New and Old Testaments of the Bible allow for drinking, but not for drunkenness nor for the loss of self-control that accompanies marijuana use (see Titus 2:1-6). Furthermore, pot smokers can inhibit others’ lives, liberties, and pursuits of happiness.

While I am against marijuana use, I have yet to settle on the best way to curb its use - recreational and otherwise. Maybe I should move to Denver, Colorado. The people there seem to be as indecisive as me.

In related news, Rickey Williams has just been traded to the Denver Broncos...

Just kidding.

Maybe.

I could regret this..

2005-11-10T00:17:00.000-05:00

I’ve given this some thought. I’ve noticed that a lot of you have been trying to comment on my blog, only to be disappointed. I think blocking anyone and everyone from commenting is doing my blog more harm than good. *Deep breath* So I’ve decided to re-open comments to non-members. My apologies to members who took the time to register. Hopefully this will make the MuddelyDrawer better for all of us… or at least more muddely. Please do me this one favor and do not post anonymously. That whole “ignore that man behind the curtain” routine is annoying.

Ben is...

2005-11-09T22:50:00.000-05:00

A friend told me about this narcissistic game to play with Google. Basically, you type in "[your name/nickname] is" (make sure to put the quotation marks) and see what cyberspace thinks of you.*

*MuddelyDrawer bonus: It’s even funnier if you play the fortune cookie game and add “in bed” behind each!

Here is a sampling for me:

Ben is a triple threat (…in bed)
Ben is a specific dialect of the Japanese language (how very Feng Shui of me)
Ben is blogging (creepy)
Ben is sick (well this is a sad turn of events)
Ben Is Dead (apparently that sick thing didn’t go too well)
Ben is back, badder than ever (what a relief)
Ben is now 18, although he looks a musclebound 40 (…in bed)
Ben is available in MP3 format (who isn’t?)
Ben is a charming and witty ubergenius with enough confidence and tenacity to turn this town on its head (how very true)
Ben Is No Paul Volker (well, it’s an honor just to be mentioned in the same breath…)
Ben is in 'Vegas (don’t tell The Woman)
Ben is reflected on a wet sidewalk (how deep)
Ben is caught in a web of murder and high-stakes intrigue (again, don’t tell The Woman)
Ben is Y2K clean (that is so 5 years ago)
Ben is a Monetarist (actually, I am!)
Ben is Phat as in Awesome (the mere fact that Phat had to be defined negates any chance of this being cool)
Ben is a knowledge and challenge-a-holic (I usually have a challenge or two before noon. It’s sad, really)
Ben is in the world, but not of it (I consider that a compliment)
Ben is wildly popular among the Undergraduate Organizing Committee (I’ve got to beat them off with a stick… Oh, and don’t tell The Woman).

Excessive Celebration

2005-11-08T10:50:00.000-05:00

I could start this post with a self-loathing statement about how long it’s been since my last post, but I won’t. You’re just going to have to accept the fact that I have a life and sometimes that life gets too busy for blogging.

OK, we have much to discuss. First, this Saturday UF played Vandy. I shadowed UF’s Associate A.D. of External Affairs during the game and had a blast. It confirmed to me that this is what I want to do. I did all sorts of cool stuff like going in the ESPN production truck, and talking with some of our big sponsors, and organizing post-game interviews for SUN Sports. Obviously it was a long day – it was a double-overtime thriller. But it almost wasn’t. After Vandy scored their final TD in regulation, their receiver almost lost them the game. He got a controversial 15-yard penalty for celebrating and made the game-tying extra point a bit more exciting. Here is video evidence of the crime…look for me in the background. I’m the one on the sideline wringing my hands. Funny stuff.

In other excessive celebration news, The Woman informs me that we have a wedding webpage. Go to theknot.com and locate the orange box on the right entitled “Going to a Wedding?” Type one of our names into the box entitled “Find a Couples Wedding Webpage & Gift Registry at The Knot.”

Now, back to my busy life…

Comedian

2005-10-17T10:16:00.000-04:00

I finally did it. I finally watched Comedian. I've been wanting to see it for years now. I knew it could never live up to it’s great trailer (and it didn’t), but it was entertaining nevertheless. It chronicles Jerry Seinfeld’s rebirth as a comedian. He retires all of his old material and starts afresh. For me, it awakened the memories of being 13 and aspiring to be a comedian. I would mow my parent’s lawn and work on my routine:

(best said in a Jerry Seinfeld-like voice)

“So what’s the deal with these ‘Wrong Way’ signs on the interstate? I mean do you really need a sign to tell you that you are going the wrong way? I would think dodging oncoming traffic would tip most drivers off right there. What’s more, who has time to read signs when they’re playing car slalom on the freeway?

I can just imagine the conversation after you get pulled over for driving the wrong way:

(best said in a Brian Regan-like voice)

Sir, did you know you were driving the wrong way down a federal interstate?

No. (head shaking emphatically)

You didn’t see the signs?

No.

Well, that’s why we have the signs, sir, to let you know you are going the wrong way.

Well I wanted to read the signs, but the ONCOMING TRAFFIC WAS DISTRACTING ME!”

I was very impressed with myself for noticing the “Wrong Way” signs at the age of 13. I was very advanced for my age. Key word: was. I blame television - and DVD’s -like Comedian.

Maybe This is Cheating...

2005-10-13T14:44:00.000-04:00

But I’ve got to put it out there. The buzz at this year's Gator Growl, UF’s student run pep rally that draws around 50-60K every year, was an acoustic version of Ludicrous’ “What’s Your Fantasy.” I was sad because I missed it, but Freezer found it online and posted it on his blog. Click here to listen. Really, I'm just puttin' this up for you, Matheo. It is pretty, well, ludicrous to hear rap songs on an acoustic guitar. Check that – it’s hilarious. There are several other songs by the same guy there as well that are even funnier. The expletives are included, though, so don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Hook 'Em, Christians!

2005-10-12T20:24:00.000-04:00

The University of Texas is in a bit of hot water. They were planning a promotion called “Faith and Family Night”. Cue the ACLU. Constitutionally speaking, despite being a public university, there is nothing wrong with this promotion. Indeed, a very similar case was decided 5 years ago in favor of a minor league baseball team despite the fact that they were playing in a PULIC stadium. In both cases the promotion merely stipulated that if a family presented a church bulletin, they would receive a discount on the price of admission. Stare decisis dictates that, state actor or not, this promotion is legal. Yet the promo was scrapped.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but the last time I checked bulletins were not exclusive to one doctrine of faith; the word bulletin can be found no where in the 5 points of Calvinism. Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, and Atheist churches could all publish bulletins, so this dosen't even come close to endorsing one particular religion. Any way you cut it, this sort of pormotion is fine (unless you are an overpaid ACLU lawyer). Shame on UT Athletics director for women Christine Plonsky for nixing the idea. A Muddely Drawer reader would never have made such a mistake.

Three Headed Monster

2005-10-11T22:35:00.000-04:00

This is my tribute to LaTech's 3 Headed Monster: Patrick Jackson, Freddie Franklin, and Mark Dillard. Go Dogs!

Rocket Man

2005-10-10T14:47:00.000-04:00

Today is a sad day. Tech tore down the rocket outside Caruthers dormitory. I always thought the rocket was a little out of place, but it was familiar, so I liked it. Phallic symbols aside, it always seemed to scream “These are the boys’ dorms. Enter at your own risk!” For those of us who had to suffer through the old jail-like dorms, the rocket will forever have a place in our hearts. You will be missed, rocket. You will be missed.

Emmitt Smith Thinks I Pick My Nose

2005-10-10T10:46:00.000-04:00

Well, as you all know, it was homecoming at UF the past weekend, and, since it is my last, I decided to check out the parade on Friday. I was surprised by how good it actually was. Anyway, after an hour I’d had enough, so I hiked about a half mile to the nearest bus stop -- there is no way you can park on campus the Friday before homecoming. Exhausted from being on my feet, I took a seat on a bench. I allowed my mind to wander, admiring some of the nice cars that drove by. I rested my head in my hands as the time past and then felt a bit of lose skin just beneath my nose, so I began to scratch it. Just then Emmitt Smith happened to drive by in the back of a convertible (apparently he was in the parade... I must have missed him). Surprised, my first thought was “Hey, that’s Emmitt Smith!” Then, realizing the unfortunate proximity of my finger to my nose, I thought “and now he thinks I pick my nose.” Great. My one chance to see the NFL’s all-time rushing leader, my one opportunity to make an impression on greatness, and this is the mark I leave. Just my luck, I guess.

It's Funny Because It's True

2005-10-09T15:31:00.000-04:00

“If I was a watch, I would be anti-cell phones.”
-freezer

Homecoming

2005-10-07T10:50:00.000-04:00

It’s homecoming here at UF and it’s not even cold. I’m wearing shorts today. There is something wrong about warm weather and football. It’s kind of like drinking a coke after you left it opened in a hot car all day; it’s better than nothing, but something isn’t quite right. It needs ice. It needs the cold weather. I guess I’m just ready for the fall. I like watching the trees change colors, observing the birds migrating south, relaxing on hay rides, and all that. Of course, here in Florida the trees stay the same until January, about the same time we start seeing cardinals. *sigh* I miss having 4 seasons.

At any rate, the campus is abuzz with alums. Like the birds they have migrated south seeking warmer weather, good food, and victory on the gridiron. And, like the robins that will soon arrive, they are all sporting orange chests, proudly displaying their school colors. Families scamper through the hallowed halls. Elderly couples reminisce about days past. The students are putting the finishing touches on their floats. I love college football.

Black Eye

2005-10-05T14:36:00.000-04:00

David Teel of the Lawrence Journal-World recently lamented the lack of Black Head Coaches is D-I A football. According to ESPN, this year’s UCLA vs. Cal game was only the 12th time two college football teams have played each other with an African (or Jamaican or whatever) American at the helm. His solution: get more blacks in the coordinator’s positions – the place from which many HC’s are hired.

First of all, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THESE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE JEFF TEDFORD, HEAD COACH OF THE CAL BEARS, IS WHITE! Do I need my eyes checked? What am I missing here?

Secondly, and here’s the thing, if I were black, I would be very embarrassed about this subject altogether. After all, it is required that a minority (usually black) be interviewed for virtually every head football coaching vacancy in the country. Despite this face time, they still lag. Many would blame racism or, more recently, subconscious racism. Neither holds much water with me. Athletic Directors are paid too much money, and are under too much media pressure from people like Mr. Teel to hire a minority head coach. It is, of course, faux pa to suggest that the AD’s might actually be hiring the best men for the job, but this is more likely to be the case.

This brings us to the subject of opportunity. Yes, fewer black coaches are hired because they lack the experience. The problem then must be getting the experience. Surely if minorities (by this the establishment means blacks… after all there is no surge of Hispanics or Asians wanting to play or coach football. But still we must be PC and call them minorities) were to hold assistant and coordinator positions, then they would eventually move up. The assumption, here again, is that they are being racially discriminated against when these hiring decisions are made. And here again, this thinking is faulty. The vast majority of D-I A football players are black and they, like all of us, relate better to others of their same heritage. Head coaches understand this and hire accordingly. This ensures that “minorities” will always have the entry coaching jobs. I have seen and heard process first hand. Thus, if they do a good job, like anyone else, they should be promoted eventually.

So, as I said before, if I were black, I would not want to talk about this issue. They are getting the opportunities, but they are still not getting the jobs. If you can’t blame racism, what (or who) can you blame?

Cronyism

2005-10-03T11:15:00.000-04:00

This post is brought to you by the word "cronyism". It is a noun meaning favoritism shown to old friends without regard for their qualifications, as in political appointments to office. See the Harriet Miers Supreme Court nomination of 2005.

REPUBLICAN SENATORS, PLEASE SHOOT THIS NOMINATION DOWN. WE HAVE WAITED TOO LONG TO LET BUSH BLOW OUR OPPORTUNITY. HER NOMINATION IS REDICULOUS. SHE IS A LAME DUCK. WHAT DO WE DO WITH LAME DUCKS? SHOOT 'EM DOWN!

Kanye West meets East

2005-09-28T23:15:00.000-04:00

Kanye West is coming to town. He’s putting on a concert next Wednesday. I want to show up with a “George W. Bush 4 Prez.” sign. I’d laugh about that for years to come… if I survived the mobbing that is.

Beef Jerky Time

2005-09-28T21:30:00.000-04:00

If by “beef jerky” you mean “more free, legal music on the internet”. As you probably know, the All American Rejects released their sophomore album earlier this summer. What you most likely did not know is that you can listen to the entire thing free of charge at their label’s web site. Check it out!

Had My Fill of Dr. Phil

2005-09-27T00:03:00.000-04:00

I’m so tired of hearing every woman on earth recite Dr. Phil quotes like they are the gospel truth. The man was created by Oprah. He is her Frankenstein. Her name backwards is my favorite Marks brother. HOW SMART CAN HE BE? Seriously, folks, this guy used to get picked on during recess (the man actually headed a national Anti-bullying campaign in 2003) and now this is his revenge: he is making every man suffer by proselytizing our women folk. He has to be stopped. He seems to communicate well with women, so maybe this poem will get through to him:

I’ve had my fill of Dr. Phil.
His advice is worth less than nil.
Someone please get rid of this Shill.
I’ve had my fill of Dr. Phil.

The Perfect Football Weekend

2005-09-25T21:14:00.000-04:00

A year or two ago my good buddy, Dre, introduced me to the concept of “The Perfect Football Weekend”. For those of you who, like me, were unfamiliar with the term, here is my interpretation:

“The Perfect Football Weekend” (noun)

1. When every team you root for wins and every rival team loses in the same weekend.
2. Archaic: When the woman doesn’t ask even once to change the channel during a college or professional football telecast for 3 consecutive days. This usage has disappeared in modern times as a result of lack of usage.

Dre experienced the first definition a while back, and ever since I have waited with bated breath hoping for such an event. Now I can breath again… finally.

Teams I root for:

The Ohio State Buckeyes: 31
Iowa 6

Florida: 49
Kentucky: 28

Louisiana Tech Bulldogs: inactive (which these days counts as a victory in Ruston)

Cincinnati Bengals: 24
Bears: 7

Teams I root against:

Michigan: 20
Wisconsin: 23

Browns: 6
Colts: 13

Maintenance Issues

2005-09-22T22:15:00.000-04:00

I am pleased to announce that the header is back online. For some reason my account with the image's online host was suspended. I'd like to say that it was because my boyish good looks caused a stampede of traffic to their site, leaving them no option but to deny the throng of me. But that is highly unlikely. Whatever the reason, I switched the carrier and the problem has been resolved - at least until my public finds where my new picture is hidden.

Secondly, I have switched the counter at the bottom of my page. I am now using statcounter.com. The number has stayed the same (around 1900 and change), but it allows me to find out more about my viewers. Freezer told me about it. Check out his blog for a more detailed description.

Finally, The Muddely Drawer is famous. It is the third option listed on Yahoo! when you search "eve hypothesis". I'm glad Yahoo! picked up on that post. It makes my blog sound very avant-garde, intellectual.

The Car Wash

2005-09-17T14:32:00.000-04:00

Every Sunday a local high school band, spirit group, or pretty much anyone who can round-up a group of flat-chested teenie boppers in bikini tops (that seems to be the only entry requirement) holds a car wash at a Burger King here in G-ville. I see them every week as I drive home from church. They usually send “bait” out to University Ave equipped with quasi sex appeal and “Car Wash” signs. But not this week; this week was different. Much to my bewildered amusement the scantily clad teens had been replaced by Islamic women dressed like, well, like Muslim women. They were covered from head to toe as they implored college guys to come to their car wash. That made me laugh. Hard. They completely missed the point! The first lesson in Marketing 101 is sex sells. How else could Miller Brewing Co. turn a profit (here's a hint: it's not their high-quality products)? I'm not saying that you should flash a little ankle next time, but you better hire someone who will.

Thinking of you, Katrina

2005-09-04T19:38:00.000-04:00

The state of my late youth, the state I called home for 10 years, is in complete disarray. My heart goes out to my friends and family on a daily basis. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. My best friend in N.O., the Cajun Croatian, has contacted me and has reported that he is fine in Houston and that it appears that his domicile may actually be on dry land. Good news. Please remember my ties to the state as you read the following post.

Despite my close connections to the area, I can’t help but cringe every time I hear a politician pledge to rebuild the city. Sure the city brings in a lot of money, but rebuilding should not be the government’s responsibility. If someone builds a house on top of Old Smokey and their house is blown sky high, the President does not cut a check for the cost of rebuilding. People should fully accept the risk they take by buying land on an active volcano, a fault line, or on the coast. Buy insurance people! If you can’t afford insurance DON’T LIVE THERE. I should not have to pay for your risky behavior (incidentally I feel the same way about car insurance, but that is for another post). Of course part of the risk you take is that the insurance company will go broke and you will have nothing. But still it is not the government’s place to insure our safety from our own decisions.

My suggestion? Change the name of New Orleans to New Venice and leave it 15’ deep under water. We could bring in a bunch of gondolas and the tourism industry would be booming again in no time. Afterall, even I don't want the Carnal City to go away completely. I love it's music, it's food, and it's people too much to wish for that.

One very prominent resident of the Big Easy, the Saints, may move to San Antonio for the year. Actually they have been wanting to move there permanently, so they may move there and never come back. Although I would be glad to see them go (they continually blackmail the city and the state for additional funding), I wish they would stay in Louisiana for this season. They could play in Baton Rouge or Shreveport. Remember what the Yankee’s did for New York after 9-11? The Saints could bring the much needed diversion and revenues to a state filled with water and tears.

In other hurricane related news, Geraldo Rivera’s mustache has just been upgraded to a category 5.

2005-08-28T16:20:00.001-04:00

Here are a few pictures form my recent excursion into the Alaskan Wilderness with my Grandpa and Great Uncle. I think I'm going to have this picture blown up and framed.

2005-08-28T16:20:00.000-04:00

We had great success fishing for Rainbow trout. I think we all cought 'bows that were over 20"-22". This is a picture of my biggest. It was over 2 feet long and one foot around!

2005-08-28T16:17:00.000-04:00

My Sockeye

2005-08-28T16:15:00.000-04:00

What, no cable TV?

Based on a True Story

2005-08-22T22:43:00.000-04:00

The Scene: Our hero (me) and The Woman have just entered a department store. The mild mannered male lead is proudly wearing a striking new polo bought for him by his loving grandmother.

Two effeminate antagonists enter stage right.

Hero: “Look, Woman, that guy is wearing the same shirt as me!”

Woman (whispering): “Super hero action man, don’t point! That’s my gay neighbor and his boyfriend.”

Hero (probably a little to loudly): “Oh, poor guy. He must be embarrassed that we’re wearing the same outfit – not to mention the fact that it looks better on me. That’s just adding insult to injury.”

Woman (laughing): “Be quiet, my Chiseled Crusader, you are embarrassing ME!”

Hero: “If we were at prom we’d fight now, right?”

Woman: “Shhhh!”

Hero: “I guess this is what I get for shopping at Banana Republic.”

The Arms Race

2005-08-19T12:32:00.000-04:00

In its infinite wisdom the NCAA made another bone-headed decision. No, I’m not talking about the Indian edict -- although that certainly was bone-headed (probably by way of scalping). No, I’m talking about the NCAA’s “brilliant” decision to limit football media guides to 208 pages. You see, media guides are the only printed document schools are allowed to give recruits. Thus, the richer schools splurge on their guides, and, according to the NCAA, this quickens the arms race in collegiate athletics, leaving behind the poorer institutions as they compete for better athletes (last year Missouri’s media guide reached a whopping 614 pages – an unofficial NCAA record).

So, is this cap a good idea? Well, everyone seems to think so. Everyone but me, that is. Some schools are estimated to save as much as $20,000 by reducing the size of their media guides. Key word: SOME. The only schools that will save this money are the ones who had enough money to produce these exorbitant guides in the first place. Now these schools will simply use this money elsewhere – perhaps they will upgrade a locker-room every year, or maybe they will put their recruits up in even nicer hotels. One thing is certain: the 208 page limit will do nothing to end the arms race. The problem has been moved, not solved.

It's Busy Being Me

2005-08-04T12:32:00.000-04:00

Even though I hate it when people do what I’m about to do, I feel the need to explain the recent lack of content on my page. I have been very busy this past week. I have been creating a new website for Total Planning (to see the current one, click here), finalizing a research project I am writing for the Washington Nationals, working my normal 20 hours a week for my Dean’s office, and preparing for a trip to Alaska with my Grandfather and Great Uncle (both are pictured below).

Amid all of this craziness, I was offered a job for the Fall. I don’t think it will be too time intensive, so I accepted. I will be working as a junior insurance consultant for an NBA franchise. I’ve never been a huge fan of the NBA, but I guess there is no time like the present. And besides, good paying sports jobs are few and far between. They are slim pickin’s, and, as we all know, beggars can’t be choosers. Ok, enough with the clichés… there’s no sense in beating a dead horse.

2005-07-26T20:51:00.000-04:00

Hillary '08

2005-07-26T00:32:00.000-04:00

The Silent Protester

Musical Interlude

2005-07-25T22:58:00.000-04:00

Inhabited: The Revolution

Jump on the band wagon now and brag to all your friends that you were first. This Houston-based band is destined for big things. They just released their first label-produced album. Most of their songs have a great beat and an even better message. My only complaint is they sound a little too polished to be a real rock band– probably their label’s fault. As an indi band they had a top 10 radio hit in Christian rock, so they definitely have promise, and, from listening to The Revolution, I’d say they have made good on that promise. Listen for your self at their homepage.

Greg Talmage: The Other Side

My boy finally put out a demo! I met Greg “Cool Runnings” (good story alert!) Talmage at Pine Cove. He is a great guitarist and finally the whole world can hear his love for the Lord. His sound is sort of a Jack Johnson meets Dave Mathews meets Shane Bernard medley. If you want to just listen click here. However, if you would prefer to download his music click here.

Up, Up, & Away

2005-07-23T13:03:00.000-04:00

I just got done climbing this beast. It was pretty much the coolest thing I have done all week. It was hard, but still very cool… so I guess that makes it ice. Freezer came, but I had to leave before he climbed. Good luck, man.

When I first got there the entire Gator football team was conditioning in the field behind the wall. I was wearing my Louisiana Tech shirt, so I turned it inside-out (I didn’t want to be mistaken for a spy since we play UF this year). It was pretty funny, someone thought I was part of the team and started yelling at me for walking when he said I should be running. It was too early to argue with the guy, so for about 10 seconds I got to feel what it’s like to be on the Florida Football team. It’s exhausting (yes, I’m out of shape)!

2005-07-21T00:20:00.000-04:00

I Like Candy

2005-07-20T01:26:00.000-04:00

My First Political Cartoon

Check Your Fly

2005-07-16T11:38:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a great trip to Yellowstone and Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I did a lot of great things with the family, but one of the best activities was the fly fishing. My grandfather taught all of the men in my family how to fly fish, and now it is a great way to spend our leisure time together. Here is a pic of the man, the myth, the legend:


One stream we fished offered up everything you could ask for in a fishing hole: hundreds of fish, geysers, and we even had a rare sighting of a herd of bull-dykes out for an afternoon meal.

One thing about our family fishing trips is that you are never short on advice. Someone is always willing to let you know how you might “improve” you chances of catching fish.

Here is a sampling of the advice I received while fly fishing:

• Make sure your line is upstream of our fly, otherwise the line will scare the fish when it passes over them.

• Make sure your line is downstream of your fly, otherwise you won’t be able to see when a fish strikes.

• Set the hook so the fish cannot get away.

• Don’t set the hook because you don’t want to tear the hook out of the fish’s mouth.

• When you have a fish on, reel him in using the reel; its drag will help you if the fish makes a long run.

• When you have a fish on, strip the line in with your hand, ignoring the reel. This way you can focus on the fish, and you are not at the mercy of the perilous drag.

The upshot of all this good advice? The largest cut throat trout any of us had ever seen:



Gotta love it.

One other very cool thing we did was riding the air tram (NOT A GONDLA! They are very different, and the Jeff Daniels look-a-like will grill you on your knowledge of such things) 10,000 feet to the top of the Teton Mountains. Here is Gen Y of the family at the top:

Birthday

2005-07-16T11:01:00.000-04:00

The Woman called me at 12:01 am of my birthday and left me a message which included a recording of Switchfoot’s “24”, a song written on the author’s 24th birthday. Fitting as I just turned 24 – man, that is almost a ¼ century… I am sooooo old.

The Woman later sent me a basket of sports cookies for my b-day. Bask in their reflected glory:

The rest of the day was normal except I went to a Mexican restaurant with a friend, Freezer, to eat good food and listen to a great mariachi band. For you single guys, listen up: girls dig mariachi bands. They smile when they see them, and they dance when they hear them. I think it has something to do with foreign/ mysterious nature of a different culture… and their tight pants probably don’t hurt (their chances, that is; they might very well hurt if you catch my drift). So, if you wana meet girls, join a mariachi band. That is pretty much all I have learned in my 24 years on this earth – as for what I learned in my 24 years on a different earth, that is for me to know and you to find out.

Internet Hiatus

2005-07-02T10:55:00.000-04:00

Sorry about the internet hiatus. I have been so busy I think it is unhealthy. Luckily I fly to Jackson Hole, Wyoming tomorrow. I will get to see the entire family, two future members of that family, and 3 German friends of the family. It should be good times. Hopefully I will get a little down time…

So what have I been busy with? One big thing I did recently was attended a National Association of Collegiate Marketers of Athletics (NACMA). The conference was fantastic. I met the A.D. of Ohio State & it turns out that we have some mutual friends! The same was also true of OSU’s marketing director. That could com in VERY handy in the future. I also met Rece Davis of ESPN fame & that was pretty cool. We talked like we were old friends. I guess in a way we are. Technically I have known him for years! I also learned so much at the conference. It may have been the best $125 I have ever spent. I’d love to go next year (it will be held in the Big Easy), but I’ll be at something more important: my little sister’s wedding.

The other funny thing that resulted form the conference was that everyone tried to sell me stuff. You see, the conference is not only attended by marketing professionals, it is also attended by those who want to sell stuff to marketing professionals. For a while I was the only rep from Florida, so I had scoreboard salesmen, logo designers, Coke-a-cola reps all trying to sell me (and, in their minds, Florida) on their product. I usually stroked my chin, nodded, and told them I’d thing about it:-) Little do they know that I have about as much power as house democrats.

Speaking about politics, I am very excited about the Supreme Court Justice replacement process. I cannot remember that last time we got a new SCJ, partly b/c I was 12 the last time. Nothing livens up a mid-midterm election like a good old SC confirmation process. At worst the SC will stay pat, at best it will lean conservative for the first time in years. I am like a kid on Christmas Eve, I am so excited!

Dictionary.com

2005-06-13T12:10:00.000-04:00

I’ve been doing some research for my college’s dean, and he asked me to write a document about our Provost. Not knowing what a Provost does exactly, I decided to start were any good Gen. Y’er would start: Google. That was a dead end, however, so I went to dictionary.com and typed in “Provost” and this is what I found:

4 Entries found for Provost.
1. A university administrator of high rank.
2. The highest official in certain cathedrals or collegiate churches.
3. The keeper of a prison.
4. The chief magistrate of certain Scottish cities.

So basically Webster confirms what we have all known for some time now; school is a prison.

No Excuses

2005-06-08T11:32:00.000-04:00

Now you have no more excuses... for not knowing how to play the didgeridoo!

M-Day plus 4

2005-06-03T16:34:00.000-04:00

This year I did three things to celebrate Memorial Day: I had a BBQ/ Volleyball party at my apartment, I drove down to Tampa to see the crazy Romanian, and I watched Band of Brothers on DVD. I highly recommend the movie. Every time I watch a WW2 documentary I am in awe of what the world went through so recently, what our boys went through, and how much has changed since. Probably the hardest part about watching it is seeing David Schwimmer – who is actually very good in his role – and Jimmy Fallon – who isn’t – in Army uniforms, but since I got over it I’m confident you will too. One word of warning: the show can be quite graphic, somewhat vulgar, and there is one scene in which a US soldier and a European chick are improving international relations (if you know what I mean). If you can look past all that, honor the memory of our troops by watching it soon.

As an aside: I have always wanted to go to the WW2 Memorial in DC & the National D-Day Museum in New Orleans. Band of Brothers makes me want to go even more.

One more aside (and I’ll probably get in trouble for this): the Europeans who opposed unseating Saddam must have amnesia. They saw in Hitler what a dictator bent on genocide and bullying neighboring countries can do. What gives? The US can rescue Europe, but not the Middle East?

Thank You Publix Shoppers

2005-06-03T12:43:00.000-04:00

I went to Publix yesterday to buy some groceries, and, as I was leaving, my check out girl (according to my receipt her name was Jordan) proudly announced, “Thank you for shopping at Publix, you saved $13.58 today.” I seriously almost laughed in her face. She said it with such conviction, as if to say “Lucky you, we just stuffed your pockets full of cash and you get to eat for a week!” Of course, if such foolishness were true, I would shop there everyday and become the richest man alive, but it's not, so I don't. Undoubtedly I could not afford to save much more money at Publix before I went broke.

Surely, I thought, my receipt would put an end to all of this foolishness, but no! Bellow my actual debit of $81.46 was the same asinine claim. Silly me, I thought I was spending money at Publix. If only I had bought a little more, maybe I could have retired early. At this point my head said Publix has vastly underestimated the I.Q. of the American public, but my mouth said thanks and that I’d be sure to frame my receipt.

Unreal.

Numb Chuck Skills

2005-05-27T19:39:00.000-04:00

So I’m supervising at a Karate competition tonight. Perhaps supervising is the wrong word, as I mostly make sure no one is bringing contraband (such as Coke or Gatorade) into the gymnasium. I guess I’m really a bouncer. Therein lies the problem… if these guys really wanted their Coke, they could totally take me. How do you tell a guy with a bow staff what to do? The answer: very politely.

Marketing Genius

2005-05-24T23:18:00.000-04:00

Suzuki’s ad campaign for their new car, the Forenza, just cracks me up. If you have not seen it, here is the basic gist:

“Hello mass audience, we have made a vehicle just for you, the individualistic, independent thinkers that you are. Buy this car and you, along with the millions others watching, will all maintain your individuality. So don’t be like everybody else, drive a Forenza... because we said so!”

Is it just me, or is segmenting millions of viewers as “individuals” and then trying to sell them all the same car a bit farfetched? To quote Adam Sandler, “who are the marketing geniuses that came up with this one?”

This, by the by, is one thing that really bothers me about mass production (although I am all for it on other respects). I am afraid that there is some other guy in the Pacific Northwest – don’t ask me why, but I have always imagined that he lived in the Pacific Northwest – who drives the same car as me, wears the same cloths as me, watches the same movies as me, and has the same thoughts as me when watching said movies. Still, economies of scale rock, so I guess I can put up with that illusive poser if it saves me a few bucks.

Math Geeks Unite!

2005-05-22T15:34:00.000-04:00

A reader recently called to my attention the fact that I have not made any band recommendations in a while. Well, there is a new Christian band out called Mute Math. I don’t know where their name came from, but there is no arguing with their product. Their whole is definitely greater then the sum of their parts.

Actually, their songs are really hit or miss. Some are very unique and awesome. However, others have a fusion feel, drawing a bit more from Reggae roots than I prefer in my music. At any rate, they are releasing their first EP this summer, but they have a four song appetizer on their website now... so go to there and give ‘em a listen. If you are in a hurry I recommend at least listening to “Control” and “Reset.”

Buffer Zone

2005-05-22T15:18:00.000-04:00

So I went to a ballgame the other night with two male friends and they both sat right beside me. I mean RIGHT beside me. There was plenty of room to spread out, but no,they opted for the cozier seating arrangement instead. Then, when I moved to give us more elbow room, I got dirty looks! Amazingly, the exact same thing happened the following night at a Bible study! Haven’t you people seen Seinfeld? I need a buffer zone! One seat between each guy is the rule. Any less and you cramp a guy’s style; any more and you look homophobic. I hate to pen an unwritten rule, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

You BET

2005-05-20T11:29:00.000-04:00

I’ve decided to start an all-white television network. It will celebrate Caucasian culture; it will only air images of white people; it will contain programming that will exclusively appeal to white viewers. Furthermore, I will name it White TV, and it will be great!

Ready to pull out the racism card? Well then how is BET (Black Entertainment Television) any different? Why are they exempt from racism charges? I don’t actually want to start such an inflammatory TV network, and I’m not saying, “if they can do it why can’t we.” However, I am saying that if we can’t do it then they shouldn’t either. Race based discrimination is racism whether or not it adversely affects a minority. BET could just have easily named itself Rap TV, but instead it opted for a name that it would protest were it not its own. Now that’s the pot calling the kettle, well, you know.

iPod Culture

2005-05-14T11:56:00.000-04:00

I’m getting old, or maybe just old-fashioned. Either way, I have to get this off me chest: I am growing increasingly concerned with something I call the iPod Culture. Step onto the UF campus and you will see what I’m talking about. College students have figured out how to be surrounded by 50,000 other people and still be completely alone. How utterly lonely! How tragic! These digital-music recluses amble aimlessly around campus without a word to anyone and avoid eye contact unless absolutely necessary. This is all to the detriment of social skills, thought-provoking conversations, and society. Man was not made to function alone. In Genesis 2:18 God says, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” We need to engage each other again. We need to re-learn how to deal with each other. We need to unplug the iPod Culture.

Lessons Learned at Summer Camp: A New Perspective on Sin

2005-05-09T21:48:00.001-04:00

God recently reminded me of the lessons I learned in my two summers at Pine Cove, a Christian Summer camp, and inspired me to write about them here. This is my second post of the Lessons Learned at Summer Camp Series.

A New Perspective on Sin:

The boy could not have been more than 8-years old. He had fallen behind the group of campers I was negotiating through a maze of fresh puddles left along a red dirt road by a rare Texas deluge. I encouraged him to catch up, but he was mesmerized by a particularly large mud puddle. Then, I watched as an idea germinated in his mind and metastasized across his face in the form of an impish grin. “Walk around the puddle,” I admonished, “don’t try to cross it.” But it was too late. The idea led to action and, being several yards away, I was in no position to intervene; he proudly marched into the puddle, clearly enjoying himself, as he splashed in the muddy water.

Yet I knew this was no ordinary puddle; it was, as the petulant camper soon discovered, a pothole. His face turned from joy to panic as he sank deeper and deeper into the mud. Soon he was stuck, waist deep in the filth. As I lifted him from the mire, I realized that God had given me a wonderful analogy for sin.

Like the child, we all disobey or ignore God’s admonitions. As Francis Schafer noted, sin starts with a thought and later manifests itself in action. The camper was a perfect example of this. I could almost see him considering what fun might be had in a muddle of its magnitude.

But there are other parallels to be drawn. Sin, like the puddle, often looks too tempting to forgo; its true dangers lurk out of sight, unseen until you are trapped. Happily, although no one can free themselves from their personal puddles of sin, God has provided us with a Helper to pull us from the filth and free us from the sin in which we are stuck. Thanks to Jesus’ finished work on the cross, and the Holy Spirit’s aid, we can climb out of our puddles of sin and live life on solid spiritual ground.

Furthermore, I think this shows how God’s commandments can cease to be a burden. If we could see sin from God’s perspective, as I had previously seen the pothole beneath the puddle, I am certain that we would see that God’s call to a holy life is for our own good. I have always loved the saying “live like you are dying,” but I prefer Francis Schaefer’s quote, “live as though [you] have died, been to heaven, and come back again as risen.” Undoubtedly, this paradigm shift would change everything –- starting with you and me.

Don’t Hate the Player, Hate the Game

2005-04-22T13:57:00.000-04:00

I must confess I am no Wal-Mart fan. I think their stores are too big, their service is lacking, and they take all of my money. If anyone complained to me about these issues I would gladly join in the revelry. But I do not understand people who bash Wal-Mart for economic reasons.

I was recently in a conversation with someone who was doing that very thing. His main contention was that Wal-Mart uses their buying power to 1) force their suppliers to reduce their profits, thus 2) making the suppliers look for cheep labor overseas 3) all to the detriment of American workers.

Let us consider the first complaint: Wal-Mart forces their suppliers to reduce their profits. I could understand a business owner complaining about this, but why, as a consumer, would this upset you? Have you ever seen someone at the check-out counter ranting, “Man, I hate saving money!” Neither have I. As a consumer, you should love Wal-Mart.

Now for criticism number two: Wal-Mart makes its suppliers look for cheap labor overseas. My response? Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Do not blame Wal-Mart for forcing jobs overseas. They may have driven down prices and forced their suppliers to seek cheaper labor, but the minimum wage laws and the unionization of our manufacturing sector are what guarantee that those jobs are not to be found within our borders. Indeed, you will not find Sam Walton’s signature on a single piece of minimum wage legislation.

Furthermore, this point can back-fire on those who use it. The fact that Wal-Mart has too much power and can force suppliers to sell to them at a loss is also applicable to minimum wage laws and unions (institutions for which most Liberals will fight bitterly)! You see, General Motors may be willing to hire an American for $4.50/hr, and they might find someone here willing to work for that wage, but they are forced by the will of the majority of American legislators and by the will of the majority of union members to pay more than that. Both policies hurt businesses and consumers, but one liberals are for and the other they are against. In fact, a very strong case can be made that minimum wage laws and unions actually hurt poor workers by reducing the number of jobs available, but that is for another time.

Next I turn to the final grievance: Wal-Mart hurts American workers. Let’s start with the facts. Wally World is the largest private employer in the United States. No matter what they force other businesses to do, no one can deny that they are creating more jobs that they are “forcing” overseas. Furthermore, Wal-Mart is lowering the cost of living for all US citizens, thus enriching those who do not work or even shop at Wal-Mart (remember, K-Mart and Target have to compete with the “falling prices”). Clearly it is not economic evil incarnate.

Finally notice the inherent contradiction in the reasoning of anti-Wal-Mart arguments. People who take such a position are at once for and against competition. They say that Wal-Mart needs more competition so it cannot dictate prices, then they say that American workers should not have to compete against foreign workers for jobs. In one case they are against competition and in another they are for it. However, they cannot have it both ways. A more sensible outlook, I think, is to be for all forms of competition, or, at the very least, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Pedro Politics

2005-04-14T21:48:00.000-04:00

Idaho recently passed a “Napoleon Dynamite” bill. Can you blame them? I mean, which would you rather do: move chickens for, like, a dollar an hour, or write a “Napoleon Dynamite” bill? After seeing the movie, I think we can all understand why they had nothing better to do. All I know is somebody is makin’ some sweet moola by writing movie legislation and that's sweet. It's awesome. It's, it's incredible!

2005-04-14T15:09:00.000-04:00

The Woman and I literally drinking to our health at the fountain of youth in St. Augustine, FL.

Tree Hugger!

2005-04-11T13:53:00.000-04:00

I would like to introduce you to a great band with which I recently became acquainted. Their name is Tree63 (is it just me or are band names starting to resemble e-mail addresses?) and they are a great rock/praise band. Their lyrics are wonderfully reflective of God. For instance, they sing, “How could I sing about anything but Him?”

It is nice to listen to a band so passionate about Christ, and the fact that they sound great doesn’t hurt either. To listen to their most recent album in its entirety, go to their website and click on media. However, you are liable to get their catchy tunes stuck in your head for weeks at a time, so listen at your own risk.

Lessons Learned at Summer Camp: The Efficacy of Prayer

2005-04-09T21:44:00.000-04:00

Three years ago I unwittingly took an Armstrongian “one giant leap” spiritually. Actually, I would guess that most spiritual growth is of the unwitting variety; we do not realize that we have grown until much later. The first step in my growth was 2-hour drive West along I-20, destination Pine Cove. I had no idea what God had in store for me. Recently He reminded me of the lessons I learned in my two summers at camp and inspired me to write about them here. Thus begins the Lessons Learned at Summer Camp Series. This is my first post of the series.

Before proceeding, I want to say two things. First, if you are a college-aged kid with no summer plans, I highly recommend you apply to work at Pine Cove. Hopefully you will see why over the ensuing posts. Second, make no mistake, Pine Cove was not the catalyst for my spiritual growth; it was Jesus Christ. Still, He used Pine Cove, and I believe He continues to use it to change people’s lives.

The Efficacy of Prayer:

During both of my summers I worked as a target sports instructor. The first summer I taught b.b. guns and loved it. I held the camp record for the highest score that summer –which is not that hard when you are competing with 2nd through 5th graders! Still, it made it all the more humbling when I had to teach archery the following year. You see, I was not very good at archery. Sure I could hit the target, but for the life of me I could not hit a bull’s eye. In fact, I didn’t hit a bull’s eye for 6 straight weeks. Add to this the fact that my two fellow archery instructors -- both girls -- had hit their bull’s eyes long ago (one I witnessed, the other may have been fabricated for mocking purposes) and you can imagine my frustration.

That’s why the last day of archery class was so important. I HAD to hit a bull’s eye. “Just one,” I thought, “and I can hold my head high.” After our final activity class of the summer, I knocked my arrow and prepared to redeem myself. Then it happened. I could not believe she would be so foolish. Lagniappe (that’s her camp name… long story) called all of the campers together and said, “Ok, now everyone pray that EWOF (my camp name… an even longer story) hits a bull’s eye.” I just knew she was setting them up for a monumental disappointment, but it was too late, I was ready to fire.

Twang!!! The arrow hit the lower-right corner of the target. I immediately commenced damage control, “you know, kids, sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we would like, but that doesn’t mean He doesn’t hear them.” Satisfied that I had salvaged the camper’s fragile faith and still found a teaching opportunity, I mentally congratulated myself. Yet before I could finish patting myself on the back, Lagniappe had the kids praying and chanting “Do it again!” I could not believe it. This, I decided, was wreckless discipleship. She knew as well as I did that I had never hit a bull’s eye.

If you have ever tried to ignore 16 screaming kids, you will understand why I “decided” to re-load my bow. I refocused on the task at hand, breathed a silent prayer, and let go.

Twang!!! I missed again, and again they begged for another try. Unbelievable. These kids were at their last activity class of the week and what were they learning over and over again? God doesn’t answer prayers. I knew that I had to keep trying.

Noting (as I had so many times before) that I usually missed down and to the right, I aimed at the upper-left corner of the target. I released the arrow and it found it’s mark. I had hit the bull’s eye. Granted, it was barely a bull’s eye, but the kids erupted into cheers nevertheless. It was like a moment straight out of the movies. The campers all crowded around me, hugging, jumping, and clapping. Had I not been four times their size, I’m sure I would have been hoisted upon their jubilant shoulders. Yet, when I suggested that we end on a high note, they demanded an encore performance.

With a new sense on confidence, I tried again, missing by inches. Undeterred, I reloaded and hit dead center. The campers’ prayers had been answered, and I learned not to doubt the power of prayer. Word of the miracle shots quickly spread around camp.

I felt awful for assuming that the prayer would go unanswered, but the next day brought more challenges, and the story was filed along with the many memorable camp experiences. Yet I would soon discover how much more of an impression God’s lesson left on the kids than my “sometimes God doesn’t answer our prayers the way we would like” speech. The next night (which might as well have been the next year considering the attention span of the average camper) at camper share one boy stood up with a grin that stretched from ear to ear and announced that his favorite part of camp was when “we prayed that EWOF would hit a bull’s eye and he did… TWICE!” The camp director shot me a look that said, “what are you guys doing at archery?” I just smiled and thought, “the better question is what is GOD doing at archery?”

John Eldridge says that God likes to come though. He likes to play the hero, and certainly He did in this case. But, as C.S. Lewis observes, He often answers prayers when someone is just beginning their walk with Him. After all, it is not the believer that needs corroboration. One wonders which of those campers He was working on. I like to think it was the grinning boy, but God only knows.

A Taste of Heaven

2005-04-06T12:40:00.000-04:00

In my quiet time this morning I found myself pondering a very odd question: what will heaven taste like? It sounded silly at first, and I almost dismissed the thought as quickly as it came, but the more I thought about it, the more curious I became. Surely there are more important theological issues to discuss, my brain persisted, but the query lingered. Just what will heaven taste like?

My imagination quickly kicked into high gear. One often thinks of the other senses when thinking of God and heaven. Sight (streets of gold, the Father with the Son on His right hand), sound (singing praises), touch (there will be no more pain), these are all covered. Yet little attention is paid to the smell and the taste of heaven. Sure there is the bit about eating from a special tree in the New Jerusalem, and I think there may even be mention of eating special manna, but that is not what I was thinking about. I was thinking our new bodies might have such heightened senses that we could actually taste God, heaven, whatever simply by looking at it.

Then I realized that some people would always want to taste the same taste and others would want a variety. Would God’s flavor vary based on the individual?

Obviously this is all conjecture, but conjecture is fun! I’d love to hear everyone’s opinions on this, so weigh in!

Screwtape Revisited

2005-03-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

Many of you know, but some of you don’t, that my favorite book is The Screwtape Letters. Today I read "Screwtape Revisited" and I just had to post the link. If you have never read one of my links to a story, read this one. It is very well written, and it makes you look at current situations from a different perspective.

I Vouch for Vouchers, Part 2

2005-03-21T23:51:00.000-05:00

Last moth I wrote about my support for school vouchers. In that post I cited how they free all parents to choose where their children will go to school. This creates competition for the schools and forces them to improve or lose their customers. The upshot of vouchers? An improvement in all schools. Everyone benefits. But, as they used to say on The Reading Rainbow, don’t take my word for it. Read what Darcy Olsen has to say about it here.

Congressional 'Roid Rage

2005-03-19T13:14:00.000-05:00

Baseball has been in the news a lot lately due primarily to Congress’s steroid inquiry. Capitol Hill called in more stars than a planetarium in an attempt to do what? Put on a good show? Pick on a minority because it was politically advantageous? Protect minors who look up to the gargantuan sluggers and view steroids as their ticket to “The Bigs?”

In truth these postulates were probably all true. However, some observers have asked the more interesting question: is this any of congress’s business? Normally I would answer with a resounding “no,” I tend to prefer less government interference to more. Indeed, I believe that baseball should never have received an antitrust exemption. But they did and that makes this is an unusual case for me.

Although I wish it were not so, baseball was given an antitrust exemption in 1922 with the United States Supreme Court’s decision in Federal Baseball Club of Baltimore v. National League of Professional Baseball Clubs. However that decision has been slowly eroded by subsequent congressional action and court cases. Specifically, labor issues were moved back under the government antitrust scrutiny. However, the nonstatutory labor exemption created by United States Supreme Court’s decision in United Mine Workers v. Pennington allowed unions to engage in collective bargaining without violating the Sherman Act. Under the nonstatutory labor exemption, subjects that are negotiated between unions and their management are exempt from antitrust scrutiny (unions, of course, are not desirable either, but if baseball was empowered with an exemption, the players had to be empowered too).

Why the history lesson? Because it explains why congress had to hold their steroid hearings. Steroid testing and penalties for its use have been subjects of several collective barging agreements. Therefore, steroids fall under the labor exemption, so the courts could not rule on this issue even if they were presented with the case and wanted to. Congress had to act for the good of the national pastime.

In a perfect world, Monopoly would have remained a game, baseball would never have received an antitrust exemption, and the players would never have had to unionize. But sadly this is not the case. Fortunately, congress’s recent steroid hearings have moved the game towards a better situation, but not, perhaps, the best.

Muddely Musings

2005-03-18T19:14:00.000-05:00

There have been a few things I find very amusing about my blog, and, quite frankly, I’m surprised that no one has called me on them. No matter, I’m going to call your attention to them now, because I crack myself up sometimes!

First of all, am I the only one who thinks it a little strange that I have been reading a SEVEN DAY SPEED READING book for the past two months?!? What is up with that? Well, the answer is that the authors moved form speed reading to study skills. Every time I start reading about how to study I start thinking about the actual studying that I need to do and I put the book down.

Secondly, my website, the muddely drawer, is spelled incorrectly. I inverted the "l" and the "e." This was not intentional (I think I might be cixelsyD), but I left it alone because it muddles the spelling!

Muddely Bracket Challenge

2005-03-14T11:27:00.000-05:00

I’ve really been wanting to do an NCAA pick-em’, so I created the 2005 Muddely Bracket Challenge! It should be lots of fun. To join, follow these 7 easy steps:

1. Go to http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/
2. click "sign Up"
3. Follow instructions on the next several pages.
4. Eventually, you will get to a "Registration: Confirmation" page. At the pottom of this page, select "Join a Group".
5. Then select "Join a Private Group".
The Group ID is: 60946
The Password is: muddelydrawer
6. After you are in, hit Group Home.
7. Pick your teams and LEEEEEET’S GET REEEAADY TO MUDDLE!

Counting Calories & Colors

2005-03-11T10:53:00.000-05:00

When did Green become a low calorie color? I always buy low-fat, low-cal, no-sugar added food and I promise every one of the aforementioned foods have some form of green on their packaging. I was at Publix (a South-Eastern grocery chain) the other day, scanning the shelves for my favorite sustenance, when I realized, “I’m not looking for one particular item, I’m looking for one particular color: green!” After I had this epiphany I started checking other items in my cart (all of which were low fat, of course) and sure enough, it was a gaggle of green (I’m not sure what you call a lot of green, but gaggle sounds good to me. When in doubt, alliterate; that’s what I always say.). Sure, some things were yellow, but green is half yellow, and the yellow items were only half as healthy as the others. In fact, it could probably be said that colors directly opposite green on the color wheel are the unhealthiest colors of the spectrum. Surely the mere purchase of a product packaged in red will lead to instantaneous death… or so they want you to think.

So, like I said before, when did this happen? When did counting calories become as simple as primary and secondary colors? Have we all been the unwitting pawns of corporate America? Have we been trained like dogs, and, if so, by whom?

My quest for truth has led to two prime suspects: Tom Ridge and Snackwell Brand Cookies. Snackwell may seem more obvious. After all, their product’s packages are covered in more green then a St. Patty’s Day Parade. Furthermore, they have supernatural powers, as their parent company is DEVIL’S Food Cookie Cakes.

However, Tom Ridge has shown a proclivity for color-coding, as he spearheaded the campaign to color-code our national terror alert level. Not to mention that green is the safest color and red, the color opposite green on the color wheel, is the most dangerous.

Who knows how deep the conspiracy goes? For now, I am happy to continue searching --searching for truth, and for another green box of those healthy cookies.

The Eve Hypothesis

2005-03-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

Christians have long believed that there were two main bottlenecks in human history: the Creation of Man and the Flood. It now seems science may be proving this to be true. Proposed as the “Eve Hypothesis,” scientists have traced our human genetic history back to one female in Africa. Since I am by no means a scientist, I will leave it up to the experts to explain further. Click here for more reading on the subject.

Wet Behind the Ears

2005-03-08T00:53:00.000-05:00

Ever wonder why some water fountains have two streams of water that converge in mid-air? Me neither. But guess what, they have a purpose! I was researching water fountains today for my boss, and I discovered that there are many reasons for the dual stream approach:

1. It creates a more solid stream, thus keeping the user from gulping air (read: it’s burp proof!).

2. The dual streams slow each other down, thus simultaneously reducing the incidence of two embarrassing occurrences:

a. Splatter on one’s clothing and,
b. Water-in-the-eye incidents caused by water pressure fluctuations.

This is yet another example of common sense engineering (pretty much the only type of engineering I can understand or appreciate!).

Thanks for Nothin'

2005-03-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

The past few days have been rough on me. I have been really stressed. Then I read a couple passages of scripture that instruct us to give God thanks in all circumstances, to present our requests to him with thanksgiving. Now I don’t know about you, but when I have a prayer request, I don’t feel too thankful; after all, I am asking for help. Why should I thank God for the awful circumstances in which I sometimes find myself?

Well, despite my reservations, I went ahead and tried to find things in the situation for which I could be thankful. Then an amazing thing happened. My anxiety actually lifted as I began to see the problem from His vantage point instead of mine. Don’t get me wrong, the problem persists, but at least I can deal with it now.

And now, for my obligatory C.S. Lewis reference: Lewis calls pain “God’s megaphone,” and surely he is right. It is amazing how one can go weeks without earnestly praying until *WHAM* you are hit with adversity. Surely God uses the trials of life to open the lines of communication and bring us closer to Him.

Forget-Me-Nots

2005-03-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

I was riding the bus to class last week when I noticed the first bright green buds growing on the deciduous trees. This renewal of life reminded me of a passage by C.S. Lewis, in which he speaks of the wonderful foreshadowing the Author left in the story we call History. The acorn which must fall, die, and be buried to yield new life was a hint of God’s grand redemption plan. Being a literary scholar, he also noted how often this pattern was repeated in mythology. Certainly these cannot all be coincidental; they must be, as he said, divine “signposts”; it should come as no surprise, then, that God’s plan to give us new life is reflected in his plan to give nature new life.

While these signposts were once pointing towards something, they now point back at that pivotal point in our story, reminding us of what our Lord did to give us a new, more abundant life. In a very real sense, these signposts have become little forget-me-nots that God left for us. Look for them as spring spreads to you.

Harry Potter & the Promotions Table

2005-03-01T16:06:00.000-05:00

I was working for the Marketing and Promotions Office at the last UF Women’s basketball game when the following transpired:

Gator fans LOVE their free promotions. They will lie, cheat, and steal to get as many promotional give-a-ways as they can. It’s out of control. If you are giving children under 13 a small pink t-shirt you will have 300 pound retirees trying to persuade you that 1) being young at heart really should count, and 2) the ladies at their retirement home go for men who show a little belly below their undersized, effeminate t-shirts. If they weren’t serious, it would be funny. But they are, and it’s not.

A few days ago (the last time I worked at the Promotions table) I was giving away black Nike backpacks much to the delight of Gator Nation, when a cute little girl approached me with an odd request: “Do you have any Harry Potter glasses left,” her mother asked on her behalf. “My daughter read in the paper that you were giving them away tonight.” Not having any such thing, I tried to appease her by showing her the cool Nike backpack and reassuring her that this really was much better anyway.

There was no response from the girl; in fact, she stared right through me as though she was trying to decide which Hogwarts spell would be the right punishment for my transgression.

Thinking quickly, I reach down below the promotional table and proudly announced, “But we do have this: a free Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak!” I displayed the nonexistent cloak with two hands, hoping to harness the little girl’s imagination and pacify her inner wizard. No such luck. Her only response was an expression that screamed “I hate you.” Luckily, she must have decided that I had already been cursed with a terrible sense of humor and a very low IQ, and decided that I wasn’t worth the effort.

Just when I was in the clear I blew it by wishing her and her family a “magical” evening. She shot me an evil glare and turned me into a newt. But not to worry… I got better.

100% Chance of Rock & Roll

2005-02-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

My two favorite genres of music are punk and Christian, the combination of which constitutes my personal perfect musical storm. Ladies and gentlemen, meet my new favorite storm, Hawk Nelson!

However, their great sound and faith is not what solidified my love and admiration. No, it was something much more practical than that – they appealed to my inner Scrooge and posted their entire album online for free! Finally, a band that is willing to boldly step into the 20th century (that or else they’ve been brainwashed by their Canadian government to believe that every industry, like medicine, should be socialized)!

So buy USA and listen to Canadian music for free! Check ‘em out at HawkNelson.com.

I’ll Vouch for That!

2005-02-23T00:25:00.000-05:00

Today I picked up the UF student paper in yet another attempt to put off studying for my research test. The previous night I actually spent an hour cleaning my oven. Isn’t it amazing what you can get done when you procrastinate? At any rate, the paper contained an interesting article on Sex Education. The author complained about Bush’s new budget proposal to increase federal funding to abstinence-only sex ed programs. She proclaimed these programs impotent, claiming that they only delayed premarital sex and exaggerated the failures of contraceptives. She went on to attack the obvious religious motives of abstinence-only programs.

Well, there are several issues I want to address here. First, different people obviously have different goals for sex ed programs. I would argue that preventing pregnancy and the spread of disease, while necessary, is not a sufficient goal for sex ed programs. I have yet to hear of a condom that could prevent the spread of guilt, anxiety, or regret.

However, the bigger issue here (which the author missed) is the good old 1st Amendment. I predict it is only a matter of time before someone sues over these abstinence-only programs. And they would not be without precedent. The Establishment clause (used to buttress the separation of Church and State) has been used in numerous court cases to remove the “endorsement” of or the “debate” about religion from public schools. If the school coerces students, the courts have been even more active. This, of course, is ridiculous. When I was in 6th grade, my parents sent me to school with a note saying that I could skip sex education classes. I got to go read in the library while my classmates watched Magic Johnson AIDS films and got diagrams of something that looked like a cow's head. I wasn't coerced into atheism, nor did I feel pressured to debate with my fellow 6th graders about the Biblical stance on premarital sex. But now that the shoe is on the other foot, this violates the Establishment clause, and thus will be ruled unconstitutional. The recent health troubles of Chief Justice William Rehnquist, the most outspoken opponent to Supreme Court hostility toward Christianity, only exacerbates the legal problem.

The answer? Vouchers. Add this to the long list of reasons I will vouch for school vouchers – quick, someone make a bumper sticker… that’s a good one: “I vouch for school vouchers.” Briefly, school vouchers bring the invisible hand of economics back to education. The government gives every parent a voucher which they can spend at ANY school to which they choose to send their kid. This would create competition for money between schools and the American public would benefit. Furthermore, school’s governmental ties would be significantly loosened (one weakness, however, would be the tenuous creation of governmental ties to current autonomous private schools, but that is another issue). This would allow schools the latitude to teach what they wanted about sex education, and, if parents didn’t like the message, they could send their kids somewhere else. We may never agree on what to teach our children about sex, but at least with vouchers we won’t have to.

2005-02-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

Ben & Stephanie: A perfect fit.

2005-02-21T20:38:00.000-05:00

Suave + Hot = Cute Kids!